Three years ago my life changed forever. Here’s how I came to accept my injury.

An opinion piece by Steven Ralph 

Three years ago I was having the time of my life. I had just finished uni and was working in my dream job. I was surfing, camping, swimming, watching music and laughing with my mates. Then I jumped into a swimming pool, hit my head on a submerged shelf and, 24 hours later, woke up in a hospital bed unable to move or feel my body. I looked up at my parents and family in the room who appeared to be even more terrified than I felt. 

At that moment, I don’t think I quite grasped the severity of this injury. I didn’t know what to expect, and I felt lost. I just knew that I did not want to put anyone around me, or myself, through this.

Those early days in the ICU are now a blur of thoughts and memories that are hard to dwell on. In the first physiotherapy session I had after leaving ICU, I was determined to recover, and remember telling the therapist I wanted to ditch my power chair and start using a manual wheelchair. They told me this wasn’t going to happen. I welled up, suddenly realising how little control I have over this injury. 

After a couple of months in Royal North Shore Hospital I was transferred to Royal Rehab - a hospital for specialist rehabilitation treatment and services - which was my home for close to a year. The months there dragged on while my family scrambled to prepare for life after hospital with my injury. Everything continued to swirl around in my head and I couldn’t find a way to accept what had happened, or move on. 

Other than my mates and family visiting me, I found friendship and comfort in the other spinal injury patients at Royal Rehab. The bond we shared going through that time was special and unique. Thinking back on it, we were a very diverse group of blokes but we all shared this one common trait. We all came from such different lives but for the months we had in there, it didn’t matter, and we shared something that we could never fully explain to anyone else but each other.

Everybody’s life had been ripped from them and we clung to each other to get through that time. A group of us became good mates and we were with each other every day going through what, at the time, felt like a living nightmare. We tried not to take things too seriously where we could and armed ourselves with humour to get each other through it. 

I had spent the better part of a year living in a hospital and becoming almost institutionalised by the experience. After living through one of the most trying and terrifying physical human experiences, it was then time to be discharged into temporary accommodation and find formal support services.

The experience of trying to be a part of the general community again was surreal. It’s the same environment but you don’t feel like you anymore. You can’t engage with the world around you the way you used to. It took a long time to try and get used to that.

A spinal cord injury forces you to instantly physically adapt. There is no choice in that. What you have control over is mental adaptation and adjustment. That is the tough part. Emotionally and mentally adapting to this change is what takes time and resilience.

Initially, all I wanted was to completely physically recover. That is all I worked towards and thought about for over a year post-injury. I suppose that’s natural. However, I realised I would need to balance this hope for future recovery with investing in adapting to the current situation as well. 

Living for something uncertain was not healthy. I could not move on without accepting the situation. I haven’t abandoned hope for possible future recovery, but I have found gratitude and happiness in what I have today.                  

Being honestly accepting of this injury was a major challenge and took time to get there. This acceptance is completely within your own control. Once you make that adjustment, you instantly feel healed and internally content.

It is time, perspective, resilience, a shifting mental attitude and immediate informal support circles that got me through the hardest and darkest times. However, I cannot understate the support that I’ve received from the disability community. What I’ve learned and the people I’ve met have helped piece my life back together and to shape my identity again after acquiring a disability.

There  are still ongoing challenges, external to myself, and I have limited control over them. Social perceptions of spinal cord injury and disability more broadly can be a constant battle.

Showing resilience to other areas of life has become more pronounced since injury as well - in my motivation, mental health and physical health, juggling my work and personal and social life. It has also introduced new challenges such as dealing with secondary physical health issues, administering and coordinating support to live my life and finding adaptive ways to participate in conventional activities - from getting up in the morning to working, catching public transport, exercising, finding leisure activities and driving. 

All of these things have been flipped around but, the good news is, with the right support, attitude and perseverance – all of these things are possible.

Three years on from the initial shock and uncertainty of the accident, I find myself writing this. An incredible amount has changed. I’m still the same person, but I express myself and live a bit differently. I’m thankful, proud and happy for everything I’ve learnt as a result of having lived experience with disability.

Steven Ralph is a tech entrepreneur and brand expert who is passionate about removing barriers for people with accessibility requirements. As an advocate and mentor for community groups and individuals living with spinal cord injury, his vision is to create a future that is inclusive and accessible for everyone. Steven was also Hireup’s first Board Observer. 

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