Teacher Holly Karten has a school-age daughter with disability. Here, she shares her advice for how to build a collaborative partnership with your child’s teacher.
Equal access to education has been a hard-won right. As both a teacher and a parent, I understand that while laws might demand inclusion of all children, achieving this in practice is not always easy. To help relieve some anticipatory advocacy-anxiety, here are my top tips for starting the school year off right.
Begin with empathy
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you and your child’s teacher have the same goal. Teachers teach because they love kids and want them to succeed. However, they are often unappreciated and unsupported. Be kind and respectful. Without mutual respect, a collaborative relationship is not possible.
Be deliberate and thoughtful with your communication
Overwhelm breaks down relationships. If you are the source of overwhelm, in order for that teacher to survive, they will soon begin “managing you” instead of listening to you. To avoid this, never send an email as soon as you write it. Once written, take a walk, then carefully edit your words through the lens of “how does this help the teacher to support my child?”
Enlisting the support of your child’s therapist can increase the authority of your email and provide the teacher with a new resource. Remember, you’ve had years of becoming an expert in your child, their teacher has only just met them. Give them time to get familiar.
Remind them of the person behind the list of needs
The feeling of hopelessness and defeat we feel as parents when reading a deficit-focused report is felt by teachers too. Wherever possible, send positive and solutions-focused communication. Where appropriate, include photos of your child, their artworks or other personalising visuals in your communication.
Influence the classroom environment for them
The non-disabled community gets awkward about disability. As families immersed in disability culture, we might as well set the tone of how we want to stand out. Chat to your child about what they are comfortable sharing, what language they want to use etc, then jump into that class-parent WhatsApp group and introduce yourselves.
When we don’t talk about disability, people around us assume it is something to be ashamed of or avoided. Begin the year with, “if you have any questions about how you can adapt playdates/birthday parties etc to include us, this is our number. We can’t wait to hang out”. This sets a gentle expectation.
Encourage the parents in your child’s class to talk to their child about disability in an inclusive, clear and affirming way, not a vague “everyone is different” way. By doing so, you are training a room full of advocates within the classroom.
Recognise what is working and show appreciation
Thank your child’s teacher for the things they get right. Small, regular acts of kindness go a long way to establishing a collaborative relationship. Find out what coffee they drink and drop one off, help your child to make a card for them or bring them a bunch of flowers for their desk.
Remember that your advocacy is training that teacher not just for your kid, but for all the kids who arrive with a pile of reports in tow for years to come.
Holly Karten
Holly Karten is an educator and artist living on Gadigal Land. She is the mother to two fierce daughters and delights in the privilege of raising strong, neuro and ability diverse children. She works with institutions and schools to create anti-ableist culture. Her illustrations and further musings can be seen on instagram @holly.draws.her.own.universe.